It’s All About Perspective

Being highly functioning Autistic in a world of neurotypical people, means that I do not fit into a certain mold. The way my brain works is unconventional compared to the rest of the world. Even before my Autism diagnosis, I felt out of place. Different. Like I just didn’t belong in this world. It’s even more complicated when I seem completely “normal”. I have often been told I have an attitude by people who don’t know me. Or, people just think I’m really quiet and reserved or even shy. And that’s probably the biggest struggle of being so high on the Spectrum. No one suspects that I am any different than they are. I suppose that’s the way it is with anyone with “invisible” disabilities. It’s almost an ignorance. A silent discrimination that just because someone seems so “normal” doesn’t mean that they are not struggling with something.

Anyway, back to my original thought. People, I’ve noticed, don’t like things that are different. Mention the word Autism to someone and they go silent. People don’t want to hear about it. They may or may not have heard about Autism and if they have, they are scared of the word. They are surprised when I tell them I am Autistic. People, when they do this, make me feel as if I am not accepted because I don’t fit into the mold of the world. 

But, God tells me that He allows me to have Autism and that He has a very special purpose just for me. You see, I not only stand out in the world because I have Autism, I stand out because I’m also a Christian. So, in a way, I really was not created for this world. Perhaps, God created me with Autism to give me a visual picture that I was made for another world. I’m only on earth temporarily. My real home is in heaven.

I wish People Could See

This is a little different format than I usually write. I was tired and was having a particular difficult day at work. I was frustrated in my interactions with people and I just started writing this poem in my mind. By the end of the work day, I had written this poem in the Notes app on my phone. In the poem I talk about the frustrations of having High Functioning Autism. I look and act completely “normal” but inside I’m struggling. For those of you not on the Spectrum, I hope this’ll give you some insight. And for those of you on the Spectrum, do my words also resonate with you?

I wish people could see

That it’s hard but I’m trying.

I wish people could see

That I’m smart but I think visually.

I wish people could see

That I’m trying my best to be kind and respectful but speaking with grace is difficult for me.

I wish people could see

That I am funny and witty but I process things slower.

I wish people could see

That I have special needs but I am no more special than they.

I am who God made me to be.

But people can’t see.

Because people don’t understand.